I know what you're thinking... the mind of a half marathon runner must be pretty whacky because anyone up for running 13.1 straight miles must be insane. You're absolutely right. Every runner will vouch for me that we don't know why we keep doing it. Sometimes I wake up and 45 minutes later I find myself darting up a hill fifteen minutes unto a 6 mile run and I don't even remember lacing up my trainers. Why do we keep doing something that we say we hate? It's a love/hate relationship. Right now, after my half marathon, I'm in the love stage.

Any runner will also easily tell you that no matter how much training you do, it's 10% physical, and 90% mental. I personally love facing my fears and dissecting the uncomfortable. I find the comfort in the discomfort. So, though we may not want to think about what goes on before and during our races, I thought that explaining my thoughts mile-by-mile would be the only way to do a proper half-marathon reflection. 

picture by southendstyle.wordpress.com

First, let's set the scene. My half marathon took place on the upper right hand corner of this map. It started in Rockport, and the halfway point was in Gloucester where it says "Good Harbor Beach". It ended where it began, in Rockport. So, I was lucky enough to enjoy the beautiful beach-y views of Cape Ann, Massachusetts the entire time. I saw beaches, lighthouses, beach cottages, and more.

Two months prior to race day: Well, we better register for a half marathon soon. Let me look online... Oh this one in Rockport looks nice, and it should be fast and flat, just the way I like it! Well, looks like I'm all signed up now.. no turning back now!

One month prior to race day: My 6-8 mile runs left me with more. I felt like I could keep going. If I can do this eight mile run, I can do a half marathon, right?

Five days before race day: Today's the moment of truth. With my internship and job, and my running partner's equally as hectic schedule, it's been hard to coordinate runs. So here we are, running our 10 mile run on the Tuesday before our half marathon. It's at least high 80's and humid. However, we have to suck it up. It may be too hot, it may be too close to the race, and this 10 miles may really be 9. However, we've gotta do it and hope for the best on Sunday. 

Race morning: Pure excited-ness. I'm used to sprinting my ass of for 3.1 miles against other college athletes, so this should be no sweat, right? There's no MASCAC placement riding on this, no time to beat, just a time to make. Let's do this. Also, I wish this was over already so I can celebrate and sleep in, eat and drink as I please for the rest of the summer already. 

Us before all of the sweat.

30 minutes before race: I just gotta get to mile 10 and then I'm golden. What if I run out of energy chews and beans? What if I don't even need them and they're just adding extra weight? What if fumbling with them adds too much time to my time? What if I get bored? What if I end up running alone? What if I don't finish? What if I finish last? Will I stop at every water stop? Can this thing just start already?

Mile 1: Well, here goes nothing. Wow, this pace is kind of fast. However, I can probably keep this up for the first 4 or 5 miles. However, I don't want to die out and have no energy for the end. Wow, mile 1 already? That was fast!

Mile 2: Okay, so I'm trying to keep up with my running buddy here but looks like she's having a great day. I'm feeling good too, however, this is her second half marathon. I want to bolt out, keep up with her, and have a sub-9 mile pace. However, I don't want to die out. She's done this before, I haven't. I'll stick to the plan: 9:30 miles, try to finish for 1:50.

Mile 3: She's gone, but I can do this alone. I'm not the only one running this race, there's hundreds of us. I can listen in on convos, have my thoughts to myself, and can maybe join in on some of the conversations. Oh look at that lighthouse! Here's the downhill of the uphill at mile 10 I was told about. This will be fun at the end...

Mile 4: Oh wow we're out of the beachy neighborhood. This is a downhill that looks like an uphill at the end. However, I hope it's a slight uphill. Oh look, water stop! I took gatorade last time, so water it is. I hope I don't have to pee during this because I am NOT compromising my time.

Mile 5: Looks like we're in Gloucester now! This is going by way faster than expected. It's hotter than expected. I have a pretty solid pace and I get burst of energy here and there.

Mile 6: HOLY HILL! However, I still have a lot of energy so I'm actually running up this hill at an even pace. And my, going down it is great.

Mile 7: MILE 7! That means that if I double this amount, it's more than the whole thing. That means that it's more than halfway done!

Mile 8: Time for a gatorade and an energy gel. I don't feel too tired, but I might as well have it before I do.

Mile 9: To be honest I thought mile 9 was mile 10 until I saw the mile 10 sign later than I expected. Basically my thoughts were being excited about finishing, yet knowing there was over 3 miles to go. So mile 9 was exhaustion and confusion, with a side of perseverance. 

Mile 10: Three more miles to go! I can do this! The end is so close. This is the point that I told myself to get to. I've run this much before, I can keep chugging for three more miles. Okay, maybe I should walk a little and have some energy chews. Just like the girls behind me, they have the right idea.

Mile 11: Wow, that last mile took forever. My butt hurts, my legs hurt, I can feel how sore I'm going to be tomorrow. However, I just need to keep this pace for only two more miles. Wait, where am I? Where's the mile 1 sign that I thought was also going to be the mile 13 sign? They must have changed the course for the ending... those bastards!

Mile 12: YES! One mile left! Hopefully these don't go as slow as the last two have. Okay, this is a cute neighborhood. IM SO CLOSE AND IM IN SO MUCH PAIN. IF THERE'S ANOTHER HILL I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT. Okay I see downtown, that must mean that the high school and finish are right down the road. OH NO THERE'S ANOTHER HILL. I hate myself for doing this, but I literally cannot run up this hill. I'm trying.. I'm trying so hard... and nothing. I have to walk. At the top of this hill, though I am cruising to the finish line.

Mile 13.1: I DID IT! Oh my gosh I can't breathe... My legs feel weird... I'm drenched in sweat... oh, food and drinks!

After: Pure bliss. I was elated. I was on cloud nine all day. Now, my rest of the summer is smooth sailing. I'M READY FOR THE BEACH!

Four days after: After three days of being more and more sore, it's time to hit the gym at least to bike and lift.

Now: I've ran four time since my half marathon. A 4 mile run, a 3 mile run, a 5 mile run, and a 6 mile run. I still feel the soreness in my legs on my runs. However, I'm looking forward to running club season. I'm also looking forward to the same half marathon next year! It was a gorgeous course and a great opportunity. I think I'm most happy about rocking the 13.1 sticker on my car.

Thanks for being the BEST running buddy, Devinne! Love you!

What's the longest distance you've ever run?

In sixth grade, I made another of my random life decisions that has lead to something that is a huge part of my life. Honestly, that's how I make all of my decisions. I randomly decided to join cross country as a fall sport once I was in sixth grade and eligible to participate in after-school competitive sports. I always played sports: from tee-ball to softball, from basketball, now to cross country. I always ran for basketball to stay in shape, so I figured, why not? Joining cross country was the first step in my becoming a three season athlete physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Like all athletes, I had a rough beginning with the sport. I remember two things that stuck out to me: one time, someone asked me, "Nikki, do you do cross country because your parents told you to, or because you felt like it?" Another time, I remember my coach telling us that we were going to run four miles during practice, and I remember thinking "Four miles????!?! What?" However, in 7th and 8th grade I was either second or third place every race. I realized that I liked the feeling of flying through the woods, trekking up the hills, and sailing into that finish line. I lived to grab that popsicle stick at the finish line.

It was only natural for me to run in high school. It was also helpful that a few girls from my private middle school also ran for my high school. There were so many of us, that there was a joke that we just took over the team. The familiarity helped me assimilate into the team, which helped me adapt to high school culture in general. I had been running with the girls all summer at captain's practices three days a week, and we had practices with the coach and the full team a week before school started. That was nice for two reasons: I got to keep up on all the drama of my hometown of the summer, and when school started, I had someone to talk to or eat lunch with if I didn't have any friends to eat with. 

My high school team.

The first few years of high school, I wasn't what you would call an elite athlete. I didn't make varsity until junior year, and that was only for one race. It was a combination of me being not "varsity level", and other girls being naturally better. I say naturally, because though I am not a "natural" of any sorts, nor was I born with the perfect running body, but I am a hard worker. When giving out an award to me, my coach would say, "If I told Nikki to run into a wall, she would." The thing is, I probably would. My college coach said the same thing. Every hill workout, long run, and repeat workout, I would do the brunt of it without complaining. My senior year I saw my times drop and my ranks improve, along with my confidence level.

However, I was still convinced that I wasn't going to run in college. I wasn't top varsity so I didn't think that I would be good enough to be competitive in college. However, before my college orientation, I searched the times of the women's team for their 5Ks and I realized that I could totally be competitive with them. That, the fact that it is a DIII school, and that I met the coach and a future teammate and friend, Claire, at orientation and they were really nice solidified the fact that I was going to be an NCAA athlete in the future.

After my first college race. We had to drive to New Hampshire and got caught in traffic. We showed up the race five minutes before the gun went off, so we weren't stretched or warmed up at all. I also ran with a newly opened scab that I had to have someone haphazardly wrap on the bus. You can see the wrapping, I'm the fourth one from the right. Everyone said that they would have quit if it was their first race, but I would never quit. I would give anything to go back to how things were there.

Joining the SSU cross country team was the best decision I ever made in my collegiate life. It helped me in a similar way socially as it did in high school. Moving in early and taking a ferry from Boston to Spectacle Island to do mile repeats was a bonding experience I could never have with any other group of friends. Now, I can call my team some of the best friends I will ever have and will ever meet.

In my first year of intercollegiate competition, I was either second or third place every race, and had a 22:52 PR for a 5K time. My second year, I was either third or fifth place every race and had 23:34 PR for my 5K. Even though every "tempo Tuesday", hill repeat, ten mile run on Sundays, and 

nerve-wracking race was difficult, terrifying, and testing but was so worthwhile. Even in the moment when I hated it, I lived for it. I loved every minute of it. I loved myself for keeping to it, dedicating and disciplining myself. I kept my body and mind in great shape. Through being a collegiate athlete, I have gained time-management, professional, and team building skills. I've gotten to run in beautiful places such as Mt. Greylock, Colt State Park, Gallows Hill, Salem Willows, Marblehead Neck, Castle Rock, Spectacle Island, Salem-Beverly Bridge, many beauty rail trails around Massachusetts. I've gotten the opportunity to meet a great group of individuals that I can call my team, friends, and support system.

A very cold conference meet this year. I'm in the second row on the right.

If you couldn't already tell by the sappiness of this post, the university due to budget problems has chosen to cut the cross country program from the athletic roster. I've dealt with this many ways these past fews weeks: anger, tears, rant, despair, etc. However, I thought it would only be right to get some feelings out with a blog post. Cross country has been in my life for eight years. Running will never stop for me. My team will always be my team, my coach my coach, my friends my friends, my awards my awards, my miles ran my miles ran. They can take my program from me, but they can't take my feet from me.  They will never take the open road from me. I will always stay running.

Our first race this year. Lady Viking huddle!

I feel like a part of me is gone. Cross country has been ever-present in my life sine sixth grade. Even though I played basketball, softball, and lacrosse, I was always just wishing it could be fall again so I could toe the line with my best friends. There was no off-season. Where do I go from here? A running club is going to be started at the University. There is some interest in that. I'll do that to stay in shape and do the thing I love, but, in all honesty it's not the same. The administration knows it's not the same. I'll take the bone they're throwing at us for now, but I know half of my effort in the running club will be fundraising so that in two more years or so, the administration can see the funds raised and perhaps raise cross country to varsity level again. I won't be here for it, but if I can no longer be benefitted by the perks of being a collegiate athlete, I want another lost freshmen to find their place through such a great sport.