300 posts and five and a half years. I can't believe that I've sat down to write three hundred of these. What can happen in 300 posts? To commemorate this milestone (that really crept up on me), I'm going to relay the history of this blog and reflect on how I've grown. As if the New Year doesn't make me existential enough, this will be a trip for SURE.

Technically, I've been blogging since I could get on the internet. I used to spend my nights in middle school on the home computer looking up how to publish a book for free. Nowadays, that's simple. You can publish an e-book. In 2004, things weren't as accessible. I was also 9 years old and had no idea what I was doing. I also didn't have a manuscript written or anything. I just wanted to write and be heard. 

The wanting to write and be heard part hasn't changed at all.  I'm writing now still, right? I definitely still want to be heard, and I don't think that will ever change. When I started refining my writing skills more and more in high school, and realized that you could make a living from the internet, I got back into blogging. I was also going through a Tumblr phase with the rest of my generation, so I started my first blog: "Freedom of Expression" on there.  Looking back, I cringe at overly curly script fonts and screenshots reflecting an old iPhone iOS as legit pictures on the blog. It was a fun, creative outlet for me to spout opinions on topics I pretended that I knew everything about, however. See what else hasn't changed?

For a long time, I tried to be a fashion and lifestyle blogger. I now cringe at my old outfits even more than the graphic design of the site. I miss the blissfully ignorant days of this site. I didn't pour over analytics. I truly couldn't tell you what I even had for readership (if any). I was just happy to do it. In 2013, I switched to blogger, because I could tell that I could be more comfortable customizing on this platform. At the time, the site was pretty standard for blogging. 

I would call 2014-2015 my most active year. I was posting weekly if not biweekly. I was going HARD in Facebook groups and racking up UMVs in the thousands. Then, college got extremely busy. I don't regret dropping off, because I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't double-down on school. Currently, my goal is to get back to where I was, if not better.

I've changed a LOT, to quote DJ Khaled, since I started blogging. On paper, my life is "together". I'm supporting myself and am finally pursuing things that I'm interested in. I grew up in a time where people where taught to go with the status quo, get a job and a white picket fence. I always wanted to do something greater, but those people who rose to stardom were seen a "disruptors". As a woman I was taught in society to be seen and not heard. How could I be disruptive?

Where and when I was brought up, it was also not made a normal thing to be to be introspective with myself and constantly check in on my feelings. I was used to always saying I was fine, so much so that I said an abusive relationship was "fine" and "good" for two years. Now, I'm constantly thinking about what I can do to progress. How I can grow and change is constantly on my mind. When I think of something, I don't let it simmer for too long. I just do it. If something makes me unhappy, I stop and I think about why it makes me feel that way. I'm constantly checking in on myself.

Blogging has been there for every change since 2012. They've seen my go through the changes - the clothing, the thoughts and even the writing styles. It's an online time capsule in a way. It's always been a constant for me. I don't mind change - I would actually call myself a fan. It's important to always have constants, however, and blogging has been a constant for me. Here's to many more years!